IT’S OFFICIAL! British Gas taken over by huns. Check out this car wreck of an email.

The credit control department of the United Kingdom’s biggest energy supplier is probably the last place you would expect to find a hunny hun hun who learnt to speak English by reading a potato. 

However, one of our readers has just sent us this absolute gem.

We must have read it fifty times and we’re still none the wiser.

It’s hard to figure out if they are discussing a missing cheque or trying to get opinions from fellow Facebookers about whether or not Jamal’s rash is worth a trip to hospital.

No wonder their profits have taken a hammering. You’d never get something like this from E.ON, and I should know as your Chief Hun used to work for ze Germans at their Rayleigh base in Essex.

I spent many a happy day composing missing payment emails and none of them reached this level of thundershite.

Can anyone translate this for us?

Have you seen something on a Facebook Buy and Sell group that needs to be shared with the whole world? Let us know on our Facebook page here.

We can’t pay any cash monies for submissions, but you will get a warm glow of satisfaction knowing that the Internet is sitting back and taking the piss.

Also, if you fancy becoming a contributor to U OK hun for some ‘link juice’ (we can link to wherever you normally publish stuff, a social media profile, whatever), drop us a line at newsdesk@southendnewsnetwork.com – you will need to have a basic understanding of WordPress.

‘I bought a drone at a boot sale and it won’t work’

This must be a piss take, but it’s one of the best that we have seen. 

A Facebooker seems to be having trouble getting their new drone off the ground.

Must be faulty castors or bad hydraulics or something.

That’s the problem with boot sales though. There’s very little after-sales support when things go wrong.

On the plus side, we can’t see them having any issues with the Civil Aviation Authority.

Spotted something half comical online?

Let us know through our Facebook page here and you could win a huge cash settlement*

*You won’t. We’re one of those leechy blogs what pays nuffink.

 

People who misuse THERE, THEY’RE and THEIR should be chucked in prison for MURDERING ENGLISH

There, we said it. Not their. Not they’re. There. There you go. Not hard is it?

Facebook has created a whole new generation of people who seem to think that the English language can be written in any way as long as it looks like the way that it sounds.

These people are partially correct. It is perfectly acceptable if you are four years old or technically a potato.

‘I should of known.’ ‘Wud you message me?’ ‘Your right hun, his no good for you.’

Could we form vigilante groups to roam the streets punishing those who are guilty of apostrophe abuse?

It’s time that these people were prosecuted for murder. English language murder.

Are we Grammar Nazis? Jawohl!

No wonder that we now have a generation of teenagers who are growing up and aspiring to be one of these reality TV tits-out, dicks-out ‘celebrities.’

It’s now been scientifically proven that you can be as thick as pig shit and still make a nice little living for yourself. Joey Essex would lose a battle of wits with a Morphy Richards kettle and he’s doing well for himself, isn’t he?

I’m amazed that they still have schools and haven’t just converted them all into Britain’s Got Talent holding camps where young people receive extensive tuition about recognising when their goldfish has cancer as it makes an incredibly backstory.

‘I mean like why bother how to learn English proper I already speak it anyway.’

I sit there reading posts on mummy groups sometimes and it takes me fifteen attempts to work out what is going on, if I ever get there at all.

The best ever? I will never forget the day when I read that someone was concerned about their son being ‘lack toast and tolerant.’

Amazingly, other mummies somehow understand this mysterious code and are able to offer their own insights. It’s like when you have 18-month-old twins and they are able to communicate in their own incoherent gurgling to let each other know when the biscuit tin is unattended.

Perhaps we should launch a humanitarian appeal for everyone under 25 in Britain to be issued with a dictionary and a thesaurus.

The sheer volume of people who think that the latter is ‘slightly smaller than a triceratops’ would be justification for this massive expense.

Rant ova.

 

This picture of a kind man withdrawing cash to feed two starving Thai girls will melt your heart

A photo of a kind man withdrawing money from a cash machine to feed two starving girls in Thailand is currently taking the Internet by storm.

Although details about the picture are sketchy, two desperate girls can be seen affectionally accompanying a gentleman who must have been touched by their plight – his act of kindness is melting hearts all over Facebook and Twitter.

Facebook user Michelle Garridge said: ‘This is the sweetest thing I have seen all year – those poor girls.’

‘I imagine that they haven’t had anything in their mouths for days, so this must have been an incredibly emotional moment for them.’

Another poster Nathan Fuch-Weet said: ‘I think I remember seeing these two ladies when I was over there in 2015.’

‘All they kept saying to me was ‘sucky sucky, sucky sucky’ – this must have been Thai for ‘please buy me a sandwich.’

‘When I politely refused as I had no money with me at the time, one of them just kept tugging my arm and saying ‘ping pong show, ping pong show.’

‘I’ve never been much of a fan of table tennis, so I didn’t really see any point in taking the conversation any further.’

We sent our Bangkok correspondent Pierre Pantalon-Serpent down to the streets to try and find these girls and offer them some assistance.

Pierre reported back: ‘I am delighted to say that both of the girls are absolutely fine. It’s obvious that the experience has had an incredibly positive effect on them as they were both very affectionate with me.’

‘One of them even joked that she could make me ‘squeal like a piggy’ which was just lovely to hear.’