People who misuse THERE, THEY’RE and THEIR should be chucked in prison for MURDERING ENGLISH

There, we said it. Not their. Not they’re. There. There you go. Not hard is it?

Facebook has created a whole new generation of people who seem to think that the English language can be written in any way as long as it looks like the way that it sounds.

These people are partially correct. It is perfectly acceptable if you are four years old or technically a potato.

‘I should of known.’ ‘Wud you message me?’ ‘Your right hun, his no good for you.’

Could we form vigilante groups to roam the streets punishing those who are guilty of apostrophe abuse?

It’s time that these people were prosecuted for murder. English language murder.

Are we Grammar Nazis? Jawohl!

No wonder that we now have a generation of teenagers who are growing up and aspiring to be one of these reality TV tits-out, dicks-out ‘celebrities.’

It’s now been scientifically proven that you can be as thick as pig shit and still make a nice little living for yourself. Joey Essex would lose a battle of wits with a Morphy Richards kettle and he’s doing well for himself, isn’t he?

I’m amazed that they still have schools and haven’t just converted them all into Britain’s Got Talent holding camps where young people receive extensive tuition about recognising when their goldfish has cancer as it makes an incredibly backstory.

‘I mean like why bother how to learn English proper I already speak it anyway.’

I sit there reading posts on mummy groups sometimes and it takes me fifteen attempts to work out what is going on, if I ever get there at all.

The best ever? I will never forget the day when I read that someone was concerned about their son being ‘lack toast and tolerant.’

Amazingly, other mummies somehow understand this mysterious code and are able to offer their own insights. It’s like when you have 18-month-old twins and they are able to communicate in their own incoherent gurgling to let each other know when the biscuit tin is unattended.

Perhaps we should launch a humanitarian appeal for everyone under 25 in Britain to be issued with a dictionary and a thesaurus.

The sheer volume of people who think that the latter is ‘slightly smaller than a triceratops’ would be justification for this massive expense.

Rant ova.