Tottenham Hotspur Football Club have been ordered to tear down their new 68,000 seater stadium after it was revealed that they forgot to apply for planning permission.

According to documents that we have seen, the only outstanding permission for the North London site is ‘a Chinese takeaway with ten tables and a Bullseye fruit machine with a maximum £5 jackpot.’

A spokesperson said, ‘We have instructed the construction company to take everything apart very carefully and make a note of where it all goes so they can put it back together again in super quick time.’

‘There is a possibility of renaming the DVD megastore ‘Wokenham Hotspur’ to get around the planning restriction, but we would then need to put a hot towel on every seat in the stadium and give everyone a fortune cookie at half time.’

‘They could all say, ‘You will feel a great delusion today without silverware to show for it.’