An article in the Daily Mail has confirmed that today’s O2 network problems were caused by too many immigrants all trying to call home at the same time.

Their report said, ‘On Thursday morning, a high number of international FaceTime calls were placed, because so many of them have the latest smartphones don’t they?’

‘The United Kingdom’s internet pipeline to Syria was quickly overwhelmed, and the knock-on effect here was that millions of British customers were suddenly unable to stream whatever jingoistic thundershite video was being put out by Leave.EU.’

‘Something about Juncker or the war or something.’

In a shock development, O2 managed to fix the entire network by switching it off, counting to five, and then switching it back on again.