An Essex primary school’s new Religious Education curriculum has been heavily criticised because a four year old child became radicalised three minutes after learning something about Islam.

According to witnesses at the Michael Barrymore Primary Academy in Rimmington-On-Sea, Jamie Jones threatened to behead a fellow classmate with his book bag reading record shortly after he was taught that a Muslim place of worship is called a ‘Mosque.’

One witness said, ‘It was truly frightening. As soon as he had gleaned this single fact about one of the world’s major religious faiths, he immediately demanded to be referred to Jamie Al-Zhafavah Al-Britani.’

‘Once he had calmed down from the attempted beheading incident, he was let out to play for the last five minutes of break time, and he used this as an opportunity to try and drive a Little Tikes CoupĂ© straight into a group of Year Fours.’

‘We managed to placate him with a YouTube video of In The Night Garden, but all Religious Education lessons have now been suspended while a thorough investigation is carried out.’

One parent told us that the school does ‘literally and figuratively nothing’ about Christianity.

He said, ‘Apart from marking Harvest festival, Advent, Christmas and Easter, the school don’t do nothing.’

This is the second incident to hit the school’s new Religious Education syllabus in the last week.

Twelve sets of parents have threatened to remove their children from the school after an assembly about Judaism led to a number of of children going home and pronouncing ‘bagels’ with a ‘buy’ sound instead of the New York-standard ‘bay.’